Sad Sack

I am such a sad sack.
The Prof is working away so I was going to the cinema tonight.
The weather is closing in, so Mary and I went around the village at 8pm to judge the Christmas lights instead.
The old police house on a London Road won

Little Things

" You're easily pleased"
This is one of The Prof's regular phrases
I was wrapping a gift for his mother when he last said it.
The gift was a tiny milk crate complete with milk bottles.
My mother in law has resurrected her childhood dolls house and I've been helping her find furniture for it. It's a simple little pleasure for both of us.
Yesterday I watched Mandy from the village down at the field gate. Daily she calls down to feed Irene a crust of bread, and daily after " tut tut tutting" her presence, Irene gallops down bleating loudly her own hello.
This simple little moment of gift giving providing Ewe and woman with a daily sweetness.

I think most of us are easily pleased if we think about it , whether we are happy, or sad, or depressed or busy.
Many of us just don't stop to realise it
The Prof has an advent calendar of a cathedral is year and enjoys opening each stained glass window every morning to see what lies underneath.
A nameless neighbour sneaks out of their house for a crafty cigarette in the pull in to the stables field.
Mrs Trellis practicing her piano in the window of her neat bungalow.
Trendy Carol switching on her new Christmas lights

Perhaps is the time of year that helps us realise the importance of these little things.
When I helped out at the village Christmas fair, I had to talk to one character who I fell out with a while ago. The spat then seemed all rather silly and yesterday I wrote them a Christmas card which I will deliver this weekend.....it felt the right thing to do.

What's your little thing?

Titivating

Now I have a sense that Going Gently has been veering towards a lifestyle blog recently, what with my shiny almost complete new kitchen bursting with pride and stories of sage green tiles and newly painted ivory walls filling my blogworld.
I won't apologise for this...the whole project has been almost a full time job, but the end is almost in sight now, so I shall be returning to Village gossip, bulldog self pollution and other such rubbish very soon.
This morning I finished painting and have been doing what any self respecting middle aged gay man loves to do...and that is titivating with crockery!
Out from under the bed came a large cardboard box which had been filled with my old collection of 1930s Burleighware and in the first time in over a decade it was washed and polished and set out to be looked at.
It's now looking more like home.

Cack Handed

While I was painting, I stepped into the dogs' water bowl yesterday afternoon and fell over onto the laundry clothes dryer, which was festooned with underpants.
I flung water across the kitchen then as the dryer collapsed under my weight I fell onto the twisted metal and wire scattering dogs and scaring the tiler half to death.
" are you alright?" He asked with a worried look on his face
" Don't worry, I do this all the time!" I chirped
He looked at me as if I was a loon.
I was still holding the paintbrush in my hand

Albert's Life

this photo underlines Albert's life in a dog filled cottage

Getting There

The tiler came at 8.30 and left Winnie bereft at 1pm .
She is beside herself with tradesmen  after workman +++ have been visiting the cottage over the past 3 weeks!.
She watched his every move and even followed him to the toilet at one point.
He made a good job of it
( the tiling not the toilet visit)
The kitchen is now almost finished, save for some painting and titivating .

Chasing cars

"If I lay here.....
If I just lay here......
Would you lay. with me,
And just forget the world....."

This is a verse, not from a poem but  from a song,
And when I hear it, especially when I am alone, usually in the car listening to the radio, I invairably start to cry.

This happened last night, when I was driving back with our takeaway from the local Indonesian restaurant .
It was the song that was played incessantly on the radio when I took my first dog Finlay back and forth from the vets and animal hospital when he was terminally ill.

He used to lie with me all of the time
And we both used to forget the world together.

It's been ten years.
And I still cry when I hear it.....

What song does it for you?

Christmas Fair

Sandra C from the village now organises the annual Christmas bash, which is a lot of work for one lady and her family.

There was music from a local band, the village schoolchildren and from the village choir.

 We ( the members of the Flower Show Committee- Terry, John , myself, animal helper Pat, Ann and dapnae ) didn't see much of the fair as we were in charge of the catering tables and kitchen.
Terry doesn't like Christmas so we put him front of house  serving teas and next to the PA system speaker , he almost went bananas  with the constant Christmas theme of the songs .

 Members of the village a Male Voice choir sang traditional ditties

 Santa ( Head of the community council Dave Smith) arrived on his moter  bike with his Elf in the sidecar

Dozy

Apart from raising a Roger Moore eyebrow, the Prof nearly said " dozy" when I told him about the floor.

" It could be a lot worse!" He then muttered 

Just behind him George walked across the living room with cream paint all up his arse where he had sat against the skirting board

Hey ho...

( helping out at the village Christmas do later...I will post photos this afternoon)

Oh Dorothy!!!!

I'm such a friggin' fucking, twatting, bollocking, arseholing dick brain!
Guess Who gave the fitters the WRONG measurements for the floor? 

Almost There- Reality TV

In the darkness of Chapel Street this evening Jean and Dave Smith stopped to say they were looking forward to see what the kitchen looks like when it is finally finished on Tuesday!
Sandra Cameron popped up behind with her Yorkshire terrier and said the same thing!
I thought it was kind seeing that her kitchen looks like the set of Housewives of Orange County
Animal helper Pat popped in to see the progress today and through the uncovered lane window a whole collection of villagers have sneaked sideward glances when passing with their dogs and shopping bags .
It's getting all a bit addictive this reality kitchen construction thing...like a local Reality Tv Show
Roll on a Tuesday.........I've booked Jane Asher to officially open it.....she needs the work

Best Friends

It's cold here and the cottage smells of fresh paint.
The log burner has been on since Sunday night, and Albert has burrowed under the bedroom duvet to warm himself after a night's hunting.
I've just touched base with best friend Nu who is suffering from a heavy seasonal cold.
I catch up with her in two weeks time on  a winter's London trip
Phone calls with friends often fall into shorthand speak where conversations take on, almost a language all of it's own! This drives the Prof mad and he often refers to my interactions as being emotionally masturbating in nature!
Hey ho
I read an article recently that stated a research paper claimed that people with more than one or two best friends lived longer, happier lives than those that didn't!
Go figure !
So my question of today is.....
Who is your best friend? ( first name only) and in five words or less describe just why that is the case! ( spouses can't be classed as best friends I am afraid)
I'd be interested to hear

On the Toilet

Yesterday sailor John from next door came around to put up the new kitchen lights.
I cannot be trusted with anything electric owing to DIY incompetence and the fact that I am colour blind.
John wouldn't accept any payment for the work so I had to resort to gift buying. I hope he liked the two steaks and bottle of port I left for him.....it was a job well done.
I am presently typing this on the loo. I need to start painting the kitchen ceiling and I know I am putting off the job.
I hate painting.....and sitting on the loo seems much more fun......having said that, I've sat here too long now and have a large pressure  red ring circling my buttocks..
Too much info, I hear you all say
The kitchen floor arrives on Friday and the new tiles will be coming with the tiler on Monday so it hands to the pumps me hearties!
The kitchen should be finished totally by Tuesday!
Now I had to smile on Sunday when I passed the Church door whilst on a walk with the dogs. Church service had just finished and the vicar was sat on the stone seat in the porch surrounded by the village ladies who were all eagerly looking at photos of his new kitchen on his mobile phone , oohing and arrrghing as if they had seen a baby.
Mind you having a new kitchen is just like having your first baby
You are totally scared that you'll break something when it arrives

Madness

I've lost followers when I questioned the sanity of gun ownership in the US
I've lost followers when I've slagged off Donald Trump
And I think I've lost at least one follower when I waxed too lyrically about Chris Pratt's biceps once
But today is the first time Ive lost a follower because I shared the fact that the Prof once tapped Winnie's Vulva with a hand knitted slipper
I'm surrounded by madness!

" WHATEVER!!!!!!"

Dog Psychology

Four dogs and a small cottage often means chaos if you are not ordered and you think like a human.
The secret of controlling canines is that you have to think like one.
With a selection of workmen in and out of the house, the first rule is to prepare them and not the dogs.
I always check first, if they " know" dogs and second if they are nervous of dogs. Thus armed I can get introductions over with.

Winnie this morning....and every morning

Winnie and Mary have to greet everyone, before they settle. Greeting means jumping and cuddling and in Winnie's case kissing but the rule is always I go through the door first, dogs always follow second it's the same rule I  have with them when exiting the car. Dogs NEVER leave a car without permission.

William, sleeping with his blind eye open

William and George will greet visitors in their own time. George will bark loudly which often puts fear into the more nervous of workmen but as long as they are warned they will pet him and William politely before the dogs start to lose interest.
Then it is time for the dogs to be removed except for when the tiler is working as he has already said he rather enjoys Winnie's lugubrious company.
Other rules for dog control are

Keep verbal instructions to a minimum, dogs understand tone more than words

Never EVER tap a female bulldog on the vulva with your slippered foot- thinking her reaction is amusing-- she will NEVER forget the experience and will try and masturbate with you at every opportunity ( Prof please note)

Be consistent,
Only scold them immediately after bad behaviour never later.

Ignoring dogs for at least a minute a day especially when you regroup with the pack keeps them on their toes and clear that you are the boss.

George in his dog cave

Damp, day dreaming Mary

The final rule for happy well adjusted dogs is keep them fed, watered and in your company . They are pack animals and need their leader around 

The Walking Dead Episode 6

Carol , Henry and Jerry

A good episode
Carol has the hots for the King and had just adopted another kid ( Melissa McBride's scenes were rather moving tonight I thought)
Maggie may have made a big mistake although one of the saviours may be a date for Jesus !
An interesting new character in Siddig has arrived
Oh And Daryl and Tara have gone rogue

Siddig

Flounce

Problems with the kitchen tiles necessitated the ones I had already purchased to be returned to the DIY store
A rant was the order of the day ( which was successfully sidestepped by the deadpan " returns clerk" ) and so even without the satisfaction of verbally bitchslapping some unfortunate bod, I left the store still ready for a fight.
At least the tiler has rescheduled his work for next Monday and has helped me buy some lovely ( but more expensive) replacement tiles for the job to be completed .
Hey fucking  ho
I sold the old fridge today and prepared the kitchen walls for painting so the day hasn't been too much of a bust and the news that Harry and Meghan is getting married was mildly good news on such a rainy afternoon.
Some people get their knickers in a twist when Royals get married .
What's the bloody point getting all arsey I say?, we should be just happy for people that have shared their good news with us all.

When the Prof and I got married one person that knew my betrothed fairly well on a social level refused to congratulate him on his forthcoming nuptials . It was a mealy mouthed so called Christian comment on gay marriage I am sure but when the snub came publically I and not the Prof was the one that wouldn't forgive.
I've not acknowledged the person ever since.
Gays never forget

Susan And Harry

The Prof is a noise maker. He walks heavily, talks loudly and verbalises his thoughts constantly.
I, on the other hand am used to quiet.
I even hate radio music, especially in the morning.
This morning, after playing in the kitchen, I sat down in the armchair with an old silver plated water jug which I had " found" in the back of one of the old kitchen cabinets.

I must had had it over thirty years and had long forgotten where it had come from, but I thought I would give it a buff up as I sat in the quiet.
" What are you doing?" The Prof bellowed from his office, obviously worried that the silence from downstairs meant that I was up to no good
" I am polishing a silver jug" I called back
" More TAT !" The Prof replied
After half a hour the jug didn't look too bad and seemingly making a silk purse out of a sow's ear impressed the Prof quite a lot as he conceded a brief " oh that's nice "as he sashayed past.

Polishing the jug reminded me of Susan And Harry. In the early 1980s they were inpatients at the old West Cheshire Hospital in Chester and had been incarcerated there for most of their lives. Both were in their mid sixties. Both were what we used to term as burnt out schizophrenics and both were as devoted to each other as a platonic, mentally fragile Darby & Joan. 

The West Cheshire Psychiatric Hospital

As student nurses, we used to see the couple hand in hand, ambling around the hospital grounds in their hospital issue drab clothes that seemed decades too old for them, and both would offer us well thumbed bags of sweets that smelled of loose tobacco, bought from the hospital shop in the main building.
They were a welcome sight in an otherwise austere world.
Now one day we were told that Susan and Harry were to be married and as our group had placements on long stay a few of us were asked to attend the service in the hospital chapel
The nursing staff from Susan's and Harry's respective wards had done this drab little couple proud and both had been given a make over for their big day. A second hand wedding dress had been altered professionally for susan and her usual tight hospital perm was softened by the usually sullen hairdresser who had been given strict instructions by the ward sister not to give her a half arsed job.
Domestic staff had clubbed together to buy the bouquets and corsages and the Occupational therapy department had decorated the usually glum little chapel with flowers and garlands as well as sprucing up the ward dining room which had been converted into a function room complete with a running buffet provided by the hospital cooks.
Of course try as they might, the nursing staff couldn't quite remove the yellow nicotine stains on Harry's fingers or desguise the fact that susan had no teeth on her upper palate but the event proved to
 be a rather magical moment in my nursing career and one that made me grow a little older after I had witnessed it.

The Welsh terriers sleeping as I type this post 

Ohhh Errrrr

" oh I do look rather surprised don't I ?" said the woman with the clipboard pointing at her identify badly photo " I was in the photo booth having it taken and someone poked a chocolate eclair through the curtains" 

So shared Victoria Wood in one of her most funny human moment routines.
I was reminded of this comic aside after I had presented the kitchen fitters with a large box of eclairs yesterday. After I had handed them over to effusive thanks and only after the apprentice thought I was out of earshot, there was much ribald laughter from the fitters as they shared a dirty joke which probably featured penis length!

It's In!

You can't get the full effect , but picture duck green tiles as the splash back with white grout.
Wood effect vinyl ( so no slips by fat bulldogs) and cream walls
I've filled every soddin cupboard!